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Abandoning the Bachelorette

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By making sure that you attend the bachelor and bachelorette parties

While it wouldn’t be shy of catastrophic, if for some reason, you could not attend the upcoming nuptials of the new couple to be there is one way to lighten the blow of your absence. By making sure that you attend the bachelor and bachelorette parties. It is sometimes easy to overlook the necessity of your presence at the bachelor and bachelorette parties, since as the day approaches it seems like every other weekend you may be doing something associated with the wedding.

Whether it has been getting together for a wedding show, brunch, or the invitation party. Perhaps you’ve spent every free moment gallivanting across town with the bride in dire search of that one perfect dress she knows is still out there. Whatever the case, the bachelor and bachelorette parties are still required attendance.

These parties, from the planning to the actual day

These parties, from the planning to the actual day, are extremely important to the bride and groom for a couple of different reasons. As the time rapidly approaches for the couple to become participants of those who exist on the other side of the married finish line, the process can be daunting. Emotionally and physically exhausting. Since the bachelor and bachelorette parties are usually planned anywhere from a couple of months to just a couple of weeks before the wedding, at this point the bride and groom need some serious R&R. The bachelor and bachelorette parties should be a time when they can kick back, relax and enjoy the company of their nearest and dearest.

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It’s no wonder, that in the midst of their changing lives

It’s no wonder, that in the midst of their changing lives they wish to be surrounded with the people who have supported them along the way. That’s you! The number of guests that show up at their parties, in essence, determines how many friends and family they really have. In addition, the quantity of the guests reflects the quality of the couple’s network. For the one in charge of planning, keep in mind that your hard work will be evident in the number of guests that attend. You want to be the one to reinforce the bride and groom’s perception of their tight network of friends, so get that address book and start inviting. The bachelorette and bachelor parties are your chance to display the support the bride and groom have from their family and friends. You want the bride and groom to be overwhelmed by how lucky they feel to have so many good and caring friends.

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For those invited, the bride and groom will defiantly be hurt if you don’t show

For those invited, the bride and groom will defiantly be hurt if you don’t show. Consider their last final single bash as a running tally of what meaningful relationships the bride and groom have accumulated to this point in their life. You want to be a part of that number. This is the time to show them that you want to share this special occasion with them, and that you have made them a priority.

When emotions are running high, the bachelor and bachelorette party

When emotions are running high, the bachelor and bachelorette party is their chance to cut loose, and not worry about the head count, the music list, or any of the mundane details that can get so burdensome toward the end. Send the bride and groom’s single-hood off in style. You need to realize that this party isn’t just another party; it is a defining moment in time for them. This celebration is one that the bride and groom will remember as the ending of one era, and the beautiful beginning of their new one. It’s the first authentic taste of the life change is coming around the corner.

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The bride certainly needs this time with all her closest girlfriends to really feel like she is being sent off into a life of marriage with support

The bride certainly needs this time with all her closest girlfriends to really feel like she is being sent off into a life of marriage with support. Sometimes, if a new bride feels like she doesn’t have her friends support in the wedding, she can feel alone and even isolated. She needs you there, as does the groom. The more the merrier when it comes to getting everyone together. Compared to years past, the invitees to the bachelor and bachelorette parties were limited to close friends and family. Nowadays, neighbors, mums, dads, in-laws, colleagues and even friends from recreational activities, like your softball teammate should be in attendance. This diverse crowd makes for a great time, since all aspects of your social life will be co-mingling.

For those invited, be sure that you show up on time and don’t bail out until the festivities are completely over

For those invited, be sure that you show up on time and don’t bail out until the festivities are completely over. Showing up for a drink and then leaving just to say you were there, doesn’t cut it. Carve out all the time you will need, and commit to hanging out the entire night. The bride will NEVER forget that you left her bachelorette party early, this kind of neglectful behavior will force the bride to conclude that she’s not worth your time. Causing the bride any kind of pain is the ultimate wedding sin, so this type of anguish is to be avoided at all costs.

If you have been given the privilege of being the best man or the maid of honor

If you have been given the privilege of being the best man or the maid of honor in the wedding, this is where one of your biggest responsibilities, shy of the wedding day itself comes into play, the planning. You need to take the reigns and take control as soon as possible. Don’t wait for the bride to ask you to begin planning, that’s just one more box to check that she doesn’t need to worry about. Take full accountability.

It’s ok to ask the bride for assistance

It’s ok to ask the bride for assistance. One of the easiest ways to formulate a guest list for the bachelor and bachelorette parties is to ask the bride to export her wedding guest list from Wedding Tools. This is an organized way to keep track of telephone numbers, emails, addresses, etc., making it that much easier to keep tabs on all the important contact information. The planner can then effortlessly see who’s invited to the wedding, and thus who needs to be invited to the bachelor and bachelorette party. Gather all of this information, throw off your towel, and dive in headfirst.

After the guest list has been made, find out what the bride and groom want to do

After the guest list has been made, find out what the bride and groom want to do. If you have an excellent idea for skydiving, but the bride is deathly afraid of heights, you might want to rethink your plan for the party. Ask the bride for guidelines and boundaries. You don’t want a fun, relaxing night to turn into something uncomfortable or unfunny, so get details and ask the bride to be as specific as possible about what she expects from the party. But DON’T let the bride take control. It isn’t her duty to plan the party it’s yours. Ask about her preferences, ask her for her guest list, and then put in your own elbow grease to get the party planned.

Coming up with a budget for the invitees is a great way to curb any backlash or complaint from the guests. Keep it reasonable, so that everyone has a chance to be involved in the merrymaking. If you make the party too expensive, or too hard to get to, then you may be cutting the guest list in half.

However, what the bride says goes. If she wants to have a four-day soiree at one of her favorite vacation spots, you plot the numbers, get the word out and just report who can and can’t make it. Complete a detailed list of transportation options, an itinerary, deposit deadlines, and budget out a per day expense report. While this may seem like a lot of work, your attention to detail will not go overlooked, the bride and groom will be blown away by your efforts to go above and beyond their expectations.

For those friends that are invited to the bachelorette and bachelor party

For those friends that are invited to the bachelorette and bachelor party, keep in mind that complaining about the price, the event, or the length of the party is not acceptable. To be honest, the price is actually the number one problem that the planner will find when it comes to inviting people to the bachelor and bachelorette parties. For example, if you get an invitation and you commit to attending before the planner quotes you the price, be prepared to stick to your commitment. What most invitees don’t realize is that if they change their mind about attending the party after finding out the cost, they not only affect the bride and groom they affect EVERYONE invited.

This is why: usually budgets are determined per head. If you cancel after you already committed to going, your price has already been factored into the total cost of the party. If you don’t show, everyone else will have to pony up the dough! Not only will that cause immense frustration for the bride since her guest list might shrink because of the rise in cost, but you will also cause a rippling effect of complaint and anger throughout the entire chain of invitees. Talk about being a guest behaving badly!

Otherwise, once you get to the party, just grit your teeth, grin, and enjoy. Nobody likes to be around the spoilsport, so kick back enjoy the company and help make the memories that the bride and groom will remember the rest of their lives.

Confessional

Here’s where you have to get real. If you haven’t noticed by now, when it comes to wedding etiquette, the basis is this: Weddings, unless it’s your own, are a time to be selfless. While it may seem like you are bending over backwards to be accountable, on time, helpful, and available, it is so worth it to the couple, and will strengthen your relationship with them.

This is also a perfect time to kill the bride and groom with kindness. There will be times when the bride or groom make it almost impossible for you to be happy about helping them, or to be generous with your time and funds. This is especially true, when stress transforms your friends into Mr. and Mrs. Bridezilla.

We are all human. You can make things go just a little more smoothly if you allow your own desires to take a backseat during the planning. So attend the bachelor and bachelorette party, chances are that you will find yourself having way more fun, and developing a better relationship with the bride and groom than you ever though you could!

Confessional Canon

Confessional Canon

 If there is one thing to know about weddings, it’s to remember that it’s all about the bride.

If there is one thing to know about weddings, it’s to remember that it’s all about the bride.

For those of us who have a best friend, beloved sister, daughter, niece, second cousin, acquaintance or even a co-worker who has recently got engaged, you are a huge part of making her wedding day a success.

I know it may seem like you are just another guest at yet another wedding, but you play a starring role in her special day and this how-to guide will help you deliver a stunning performance.

How to help, not hinder the bride-to-be

The truth of the matter is that weddings, unless they are your own, seem pretty much the same.

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The dress, the cake, the menu, the dancing, the music, the vows, toasts and the constant crying, it may all seem so predictable.

Somehow, even though we’ve been to the circus and we’ve seen all the strings, we still find ourselves with a tear in our eye in the midst of the wedding kiss, or discover ourselves wildly dancing along with unabashed commitment to a horrible rendition of Y.M.C.A.

It’s because weddings are a time to celebrate love, and since that’s what makes the world go round, it’s a tradition worth celebrating- no matter how ridiculous your dance moves can get.

While tradition is the glue that holds together the wonderment of such a joyous event, there is one tradition that can be avoided and should be at all costs. Guests behaving badly. This is a common, and extremely unwelcome, theme among weddings.

It is also one that is easily steered clear of, however it requires some serious audience participation. Some people are completely oblivious to wedding etiquette, which is completely baffling.

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With the population of the world over 6 billion, married couples make up nearly 50% of that number. Consequently, it would seem pretty difficult to somehow escape the throws of the wedding industry over the course of your life, yet there is a high majority of wedding guests that act like they never received the memo.

But if somehow you were born under a rock and have just submerged from a lifetime of solitary confinement, there is a lot to learn about weddings, and this list of 7 deadly wedding sins is a great place to start.

 

The Seven Deadly Wedding Sins are as follows:

  1. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 1- The Aloof Troop: Not showing any interest in helping or preparing the bride for her big day.
  2. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 2- Abandoning the Bachelorette: Not attending the planned bachelor or bachelorette parties and if you do, deciding to complain and put strain on the bride’s chance to celebrate.
  3. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 3- Invitation Ignorance: Not taking notice of all the hard work that a bride puts into her initiations and guest list, which develops into not returning the RSVP in time.
  4. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 4- Mission Accepted, Don’t Neglect It! : Not taking the privilege of being in the wedding party or being invited to the wedding seriously. Follow through with your half of the deal, and respond in a timely, respectful fashion.
  5. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 5- The Dress Code Decoded: Not following the guidelines that the bride and groom decided upon, and trying to draw attention to yourself, by outshining the bride.
  6. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 6- Family Ties: Leave them Undone: Don’t allow for internal family affairs to overshadow the bride’s day.
  7. Deadly Wedding Sin Number 7- Giving good advice in a bad way is the same as giving bad advice any day: Trying to push your personal agenda on the bride, by bombarding her with your opinions

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The Aloof Troop

The Aloof Troop

You’ve just heard the news. A squealing, emotional call rings through and it turns out there’s going to be a wedding

You’ve just heard the news. A squealing, emotional call rings through and it turns out there’s going to be a wedding. Her wedding. You are very happy for her. You somehow managed to cut in with a word of congratulations right before the call went dead and she’s off to share the news with another.

What you may or may not understand is that the bride is in a state of wedding

What you may or may not understand is that the bride is in a state of wedding bliss. A rush of emotions and expectations has just flooded her entire existence and she is now on top of the world. After all, she has been waiting for this moment her entire life. The shoebox that she filled with wedding articles, beautiful bridal gown pictures and flower arrangements will now come in handy. The days spent clunking along in her mother’s high heels, parading about the house with a plastic tiara on, was just practice for her soon to be wedding day. That call has been decades in the making.

Turning back to your magazine and tea, you smile, weddings are fun. Free food and drinks, you can’t wait. Weddings are always a great day to look forward to. This is where the buzzer sounds. You’ve just committed deadly wedding sin number one.

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No matter if you are a bridesmaid, a friend, a sister or a mother

No matter if you are a bridesmaid, a friend, a sister or a mother when you catch wind of a wedding, be prepared to spring into action. Most people don’t realize that a wedding announcement, whether a verbal or actual engagement invitation, is a two-way conversation. While you may be looking forward to the wedding day itself, there are quite a few days in-between now and then that she desperately needs your help with.

Most weddings take a year to plan

Most weddings take a year to plan. This means that 365 days from the beginning of her engagement to the commencement of her vows, a full time job awaits completion. And she can’t do it alone. Even if it is a job that you never interviewed for, or one that you didn’t even want, as a part of the bride’s life you have certain obligations. Caring and showing interest in her big day is one of the best gifts you can give her. On the flip side, if you think that it’s not your obligation to ask questions or to act interested in her big day, be very aware that you are treading on very thin ice. The bride may not confront you, but she has noticed your behavior and her hurt feelings will not fade easily. If you don’t get it together, a strained relationship may await you after she becomes the Mrs., so don’t be shocked if you are left off the invitation list for future celebrations.

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If you want to play nice and keep your relationship with the bride intact

If you want to play nice and keep your relationship with the bride intact, be sure that you don’t just throw your hands up in the air and nonchalantly say, “Whatever you want, I really don’t care.” Apathy is like poison to a bride. You have to show some form of interest. If she has a dress fitting ask if she needs someone to go along. If she has her seventeenth interview with a different wedding singer, offer to fall victim to the never-ending elimination process. Sometimes just asking is all that she truly wants. Most of the time she will turn down your offer, but will be grateful that you even cared to ask.

But weddings aren’t your thing, right?

But weddings aren’t your thing, right? Or maybe you don’t have the time to pitch in a few Saturdays and help her make wedding invitations. When it comes to celebrating an engagement and planning a wedding, you absolutely have to remember that it is all about the bride. It really does not have much to do with you. So what if you don’t like salmon or if you think that mashed potatoes as opposed to baked are much more wedding chic? It may be entirely true that the pink napkins clash with the red linens, but this is the one time to keep your mouth shut and just comply.

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You see, to the bride, the color of the ribbon in the bridesmaid’s hair

You see, to the bride, the color of the ribbon in the bridesmaid’s hair to the flecks of blush in the groomsmen’s boutonniere, are all reflections of her. Supporting her in these little decisions, make her feel as if you care about who she is. To her, this wedding is not just a day in the year; it is the one moment in her life where everything comes together in a perfect array of her identity. Her wedding defines who she has become and who she is becoming. This wedding day is a metaphorical vehicle that provides a crossroads where her past, present and future convene.

Your support in helping the bride create her dream wedding

Your support in helping the bride create her dream wedding doesn’t mean that you can’t have opinions. In fact, she may appreciate a thoughtful addition here and there, just be careful to keep it within reason. This can get out of hand, especially with soon-to-be mother in laws and mothers of the bride. For some reason, moms feel as if this wedding is their last chance to amend what they hated about their own weddings. Times change, and just because a mother didn’t get to have the enormously puffy sleeves she had always wanted, doesn’t mean that forcing the bride to get them will change the past. No matter what your opinion is, mother or not, do not bombard the bride with your personal agenda.

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Another common complaint about being a by-stander of the bride is the constant wedding chatter

Another common complaint about being a by-stander of the bride is the constant wedding chatter. No matter what the situation, be cautioned that you will have to talk about the wedding. A lot. You could be getting your oil changed and the bride-to-be can somehow work the wedding photographer, the flower girl dress, and the price of the caterer into casual conversation. By the time the wedding rolls around, she may have developed this ability to an art. It’s not that she doesn’t care about anything else going on in the world, it’s just that while she is in the matrimony coma, she might not notice. Your best bet is to graciously deal with all things leading back to the wedding. Just know that until her day has passed, her crab cake appetizers might be the highlight of your evening chats.

Confessional

Let’s recap: Do not be a member of the Aloof Troop. Once the bride announces her engagement be willing to help and be interested in all the happenings of the wedding. Even if you are matrimonially clueless, make something up! Ask her questions, like “How’s the planning going?” or “Have you found your dress, yet?” These little morsels of interaction will go a long way. You will be surprised how appreciative the bride will be. While the bride may come off as wedding-centric be understanding that this day to her is the most important one of her life, and your interest in her wedding equates how much you care about her.

Show interest in helping this day be as seamless and easygoing as possible. Most wedding planning, on average, takes a year, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you want to make the bride happiest, just be attentive, caring and ready to spring into “wedding task” action if and when duty calls. If you unplug from the wedding planning, and don’t feel like it is your duty to appease the bride with thoughtful questions, don’t expect to have the same relationship with her after the wedding. The bride expects you to care as much as she does, or she wouldn’t have included you in the wedding at all. Live up to the bride’s expectations, or expect to be the source of her frustration and pain.

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